The past couple of weeks have been very emotional, and we have had to make some very tough decisions. Unfortunately for us, we kne...

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The past couple of weeks have been very emotional, and we have had to make some very tough decisions.

Unfortunately for us, we knew we were going to get frowned upon by somebody, somewhere, no matter what decision we came to.

On the 23rd August we received the Devastating News about Boo's diagnosis.

Two days later I found out that I am pregnant.

Talk about bad timing.  
We had just found out that our son has a rare genetic condition, that may have been inherited from us, and that there is a chance our other children may also carry the same condition.
We are already struggling to cope with Boo's behaviour, and are dreading what might happen if any of the others are affected.
Not to mention the fact that Little Man is only 9 months old.

Could we really have another baby?

I have always said that I would never have an abortion, but, after several days of tears, and "what ifs" I booked an appointment to see my G.P, and be referred to the hospital for a termination.

There were just too many reasons against keeping the baby.

Writing it down, it sounds so cold hearted, but trust me, this was not an easy decision to come to.

Problem was, right up until the hospital appointment, I was still questioning whether or not this was the right thing to do.

Then on the morning of my appointment, Daddy D expressed the same concern, and that was the only sign I needed.

After more heart to hearts, Daddy D and I decided, that although there were many reasons not to keep this pregnancy, none of them could measure up to the fact that we would never be able to forgive ourselves for terminating it.  Especially after suffering the loss of a baby 4 years ago. (Painful Memories

I still went to the hospital, and tried to talk to the consultant about everything, but I'm sad to say that she was not interested in hearing the details ..... at all.
She had absolutely no compassion, was snappy and uninterested.
She decided to send me for a scan, telling me "You need to have made a decision by the time you come back!"

So, off I went to ultrasound.  
The lady who scanned me was extremely friendly and able to put me at ease, which was a relief after seeing such a horrible consultant.

After the scan, I was sent back to see the consultant who sat and told me, in no uncertain terms, that my pregnancy was highly unlikely to be viable, and that she was pretty sure it was ectopic,  because on the scan they had seen a small sack of fluid in the uterus, but could not see the yolk sack.  
Again, there was no compassion, even though, by this point, I had already told her that we had made the decision to keep the baby.

I was sent down to the early pregnancy unit to have blood tests to check my hormone levels.  
2 lots of blood taken, 2 days apart.  
If the pregnancy was in the correct place then the hormone levels would double in that 2 day period.  If the pregnancy was ectopic then the levels wouldn't increase at all, and if the pregnancy was going to miscarry then the levels would drop instead of increasing.

By this point I felt like I was being punished.

This was happening to teach me a lesson for thinking about terminating the pregnancy.

I had my second lot of blood tests, and was told that I would receive a phone call with the results before 3pm that afternoon.

Another anxious wait. 

At around 1pm I received my phone call.  
The hormone levels had almost doubled, but they seemed a little low.  I was assured that this was probably because the pregnancy was in such early stages, but was asked to go for another scan the following Tuesday.

Boo also had to go for his second lot of blood tests on the same day as my scan.  His appointment was at 08:45, and mine was at 09:00.
Daddy D took Boo for his blood test, and then took him back to school, so that I could return to the early pregnancy clinic for my scan.   
I had the scan, and then had to go back and wait to be called for my results.

So many memories came flooding back from the last time I was here, and being called in to the room to be told that my pregnancy was miscarrying.
  
Please, don't let this be happening again.

I was called in to the room, and told that they could now see a foetus ...... and a heartbeat!  

Good news at last?



I was told to look at things 2 ways.  
The first was that the baby only measured 3mm, and they are normally unable to see a heartbeat until it reaches 6mm.  The fact that they could see the heartbeat already was a very positive sign.
The not so positive news is that the heartbeat was slow.  
This can be a bad sign, but the nurse was confident that the only reason it was slow is because they had caught the heart just as it has started to beat for the first time.

Again, I was asked to return for another scan a week later.  This time for confirmation of heartbeat.

Would it never end? I just wanted to know that our baby was okay, and that we could start to enjoy the pregnancy, instead of being worried all of the time.

I returned again a week later, and had another scan, followed by another anxious wait for my results.

I was welcomed into the room with a big "congratulations" from the nurse. 
Our baby is fine.
I was told that everything looks perfect, and that our baby has a lovely strong heartbeat. 

So there it is.  
We are having another baby.  
I'm sure there are many people reading this who are judging us.  Either for the fact that we considered terminating the pregnancy, or for the fact that we are going ahead with the pregnancy, even in such complicated circumstances.

At the end of the day, it was our decision to make.  
It has already been a very bumpy and emotional road, but we are happy with our decision.
This baby will be loved and cared for.
That is all that matters.

I'm not living in a dream world.
I know that we are probably about to face some of the toughest times of our lives so far.  Especially if it turns out that Boo's genetic condition was inherited from us.  But, in my opinion, it is a risk worth taking. We are going to be blessed with another beautiful baby.  We have wonderful family and friends who support us, and we will adjust.  
People do it every day.
It will be hard ....... but there is no doubt in my mind that it will, most definitely, be worth it!

Missy xx



3 comments:

  1. Congratulations. I'm pleased things have turned out ok so far and hope that they continue to. Considering a termination is not a sin, it's a person decision for yourselves to consider and top anyone who dares judge you... let them walk a mile in your shoes.

    Here's hoping the future is more settled for you, and things improve with Boo.

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  2. Congratulations you! Just wait till bump begins to wiggle, jiggle & giggle!

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