The truth.

How often do you tell it?

I'm not talking about the little white lies that everybody tells occasionally ...... I'm talking about the big stuff.
About your feelings.
Not how you want other people to think you feel ....... but how you REALLY feel.
Do you ever say it out loud, and share it with others?
Have you even admitted it to yourself?

For me, this is a very tough post to write.
I'm digging deep, and have decided to be truthful.  Not just to myself, but to all of you.

Over the past couple of months things have become increasingly difficult at home.
Instead of seeing improvements in Boo things are getting worse and its having a massive impact on the behaviour of everybody else in the house.
Things are spiralling out of control and the time has come where we have had to ask for help.
Not an easy thing for anyone to do, but even harder when most people picture your family as a perfect little unit, and imagine that things couldn't possibly be that difficult for you because you seem happy and in control.
If only they knew.

It's amazing how afraid we are to admit that things are difficult.
That we can't do it on our own any more.
For me, the biggest fear is that, if I dare admit that I'm not 'coping', then something terrible will happen.
Will I be seen as an unfit parent?
How will I be judged by everybody?
Will I be laughed at and ridiculed?

Should I really care what others think?

At the end of the day, the most important people in my life are my family.
My children.
I want them to have the best life possible, and to be happy.
I know that they feel loved, it's never been in question, and I tell them every day how much I love them.
So what is the point in struggling on, pretending it isn't happening?
If I want them to be happy, then the time has come to admit that we need some help to get our home life in order.

I don't think anyone outside of our little our little family unit really understands how difficult things have become, and it's about time they did.
It has reached a point where I dread getting up in the morning, I dread getting the children ready, and walking them to school, I dread collecting them from school and I even dread going to bed.
Boo's emotions are out of control.
He goes from extreme frustration and anger, including physical aggression, to being in floods of tears, sobbing and unable to catch his breath, and not even knowing why.
In the past few weeks I have experienced him swinging Roo around by her hair, and grabbing hold of CJ's head and slamming it into the floor.
These are extreme examples of his aggression, but an idea of what I deal with on a day to day basis.
It is taking it's toll on our whole family.
He constantly winds up his siblings and fights with them, which is having a very negative effect on their behaviour.
Roo is fighting back, shouting, screaming, throwing things and has reverted back to night time wetting and not sleeping properly at night.
CJ is full of attitude, always answering back, slamming doors, stomping her feet and shouting at every one.

They are all clambering for their own piece of the attention, and there just isn't enough to go around.

Many of you are probably reading this thinking that they just need discipline.
If only it was that simple.
The biggest cause of the upheaval is Boo's condition, and his behaviour, but one of the biggest problems is that Boo doesn't respond to discipline or consequences.  It effects his behaviour for a couple of minutes, and then it is forgotten and he comes straight back, and continues where he left off.
It is becoming impossible.

He is making great progress at school, but now it is time to concentrate on his home life, so I am pushing to get him ..... us ....... the help we need.
The next steps are to get help finding techniques that work for him with controlling his behaviour, and then, in turn, bringing the others back to normality.
We are also looking in to some counselling for him, to help him deal with his extreme emotions and hopefully help him return to some form of normality.

So, there it is ........

I'm not coping.

Judge me as much as you like ....... but for once in my life, I'm not afraid to admit it.