Every night I am laying in bed, wide awake, and struggling to get to sleep. And then, when I do finally manage to doze off, I end up wakin...

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Every night I am laying in bed, wide awake, and struggling to get to sleep.

And then, when I do finally manage to doze off, I end up waking up every other hour panicking that something is wrong.

I convince myself that one of the children are up and needs my help, or that Squidge needs to be checked in case she has had a seizure in her sleep and choked on her own vomit.

I can't switch off my mind.

And the days are exhausting.

I am competing with Boo's behaviour, which is increasingly getting harder to manage as he is reaching puberty.  
I am trying to deal with Roo's 'attention seeking' tantrums.  
I'm trying to keep the 'terrible trio' (Little Man, Squidge and Bubba) occupied and happy.  
And I am constantly on edge and worrying that Squidge is going to have another seizure.

If she is in another room and doesn't answer when I call her then it causes an instant panic and I have to run to make sure she is okay.

The last time she didn't answer when I called her I found her unconscious at the bottom of the stairs.

I feel stressed ALL of the time.
Which is exhausting in itself.
But now the stress is stopping me from being able to sleep.
Which is making the exhaustion even worse.

I am becoming irritable and short tempered.
And it is a never ending, vicious circle.



The good news is I have been able to get Squidge's blood tests brought forward by a week after ringing the hospital and explaining everything to them and how much it is effecting us at home.

At least that is one less week to wait before the referral can be put through for a neurological assessment.

In the mean time I remain on edge, and unable to sleep.

Here's hoping we get some answers before I start to look like an extra from The Walking Dead. 

Missy x



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