Today I Am Broken

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As I sit and write this it is only 9am and I have no idea how I am going to make it through the rest of the day.

In fact, all I want to do right now is climb back in to bed and tell today to f#%k off.

My children have broken me.

I'm not sure what I have done to deserve such horrendous behaviour from them, but I figure I must have been a very bad person in a previous life.

Okay .... so I'm being a little ~~dramatic~~ harsh.

It's not ALL their fault.

I'm guessing that being sleep deprived and completely stressed isn't helping me manage the situation very well.

But it feels like their behaviour is spiralling out of control .... and I have NO clue what to do about it.

From the moment Roo stepped through the door after school yesterday I knew she was going to be 'difficult' to handle.

She gets herself into these moods, and once she is in them it doesn't matter what you try to do, or say, it is impossible to get her out of it.

She cries for/about EVERYTHING.
She screams.
She slams doors (to the point where she has actually knocked my bathroom door off of it's hinges).
She gets herself into a 'tantrum' and rolls around the floor.
She throws things.

And she is incredibly stubborn.

She went to bed in a tantrum last night, and it started again as soon as she opened her eyes this morning.

I made her some breakfast and she refused to take it from me.
So, I left it on the table next to her.
The result? .... She sat and cried for almost an hour because I wouldn't physically hand the bowl of cereal to her.

She refused to get it herself, even though it was literally inches away from her.
Then she refused to get dressed.
And then she wouldn't let me brush her hair.

She's only like it at home.

Everyone else always comments on how lovely she is.

So what am I doing wrong?

I can imagine that there are quite a few of you reading this and thinking "that child needs some serious discipline".
But here in lies the problem.
NOTHING WORKS.

I have tried 'time-outs', giving extra chores as punishment, sending her to bed early, taking away the things she likes the most, technology bans etc, etc, etc.

It has ZERO effect on her.

I have even tried looking at things from another perspective and have tried to find ways to be more understanding, and I tried to create a place for her to go and calm down.

I purchased a tunnel tent for her bunk bed and got her some sparkly heart fairy lights and fluffy cushions.

I created somewhere safe and relaxing for her to go when she was stuck in one of her meltdowns.

It didn't work.

I don't give in to her tantrums.

The result? .... She cries for several hours at a time.

It's making life miserable, and I am finding it increasingly more difficult to keep calm and not lose my temper with her.

I don't know what to do to make things better, and I'm not sure how much more I can take

I eventually managed to get her dressed and ready for school this morning only for Squidge to then decide that she was going to refuse to go to school.

She threw herself on the floor and screamed.

I don't know if you've ever experienced a toddler in a tantrum, but they have this unique way of making their bodies completely limp and incrediby heavy.

It was impossible to get her to leave the house.

It was the straw that broke the camels back, and I am that camel.

Luckily Daddy D was still home, as he is starting work late today.
He took Roo and Little Man to school in the car for me so they wouldn't be late, but I have had to keep Squidge home.

The only other option was to make everyone else late for school.

She is only attending nursery at the moment (which isn't compulsory) so even though having to give in to her and keep her home is not ideal, it isn't the end of the world.

The biggest issue is when this happens and I am here on my own and we have to walk to school.

If Daddy D hadn't been here this morning I don't know what I would have done, or how I would have been able to get the other children to school.

I feel so stressed out by everything at the moment.

I know I have focused on Roo in this post, but it's not just her.

I am contending with all of the medical issues that are happening at the moment, while trying to deal with extremely challenging behaviour from several children, and all while not really sleeping properly.
It is all making for an extremely short tempered, exhausted me.

I could quite happily just sit here and cry this morning.

I feel like I am failing.

I will try to be 'better' tomorrow.

But today?

Today I am broken.

Missy x

About Missy B

Marissa Bird

Marissa Bird is a busy mum of six, blogging the realities of parenting, whilst trying to keep her sanity by reading books and taking photographs in her spare time... if she can ever find any!

Today I Am Broken

About Missy B

Marissa Bird

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